Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Maintaining a Healthy Relationship, Part 2

To have a healthy relationship requires that we keep love alive. This requires a serious commitment to the relationship and considerable effort from both individuals in the relationship.

Maintaining a healthy relationship is not a job for one. It takes two! However, if both people are willing to work at it, on a daily basis, it can become a reality.

The essential elements of a healthy relationship are:

1. Healthy self-esteem.

2. Showing emotional vulnerability.

3. Openly expressing your feelings.

4. Showing respect and admiration for your partner.

5. Openly admitting when you are wrong.

6. Maintaining open lines of communication.

7. Playing together on a regular basis.

8. Sharing intimate time together.

9. Honestly confronting issues that may have a negative impact on the relationship.

10. Negotiating mutually agreed solutions to problems in the relationship.

11. Disclosing your personal boundaries.

12. Respecting your partner's declared personal boundaries.

13. Acknowledging when you are feeling resentment toward your partner and talking about it-openly.

25 Comments:

At 3:38 PM, Blogger WeezieLou said...

good post. but you left one out:

* agreeing prior to commitment on how many cats to have.

 
At 3:55 PM, Blogger Callooh said...

well, I think I'll take the poetic out on this one . . .

love poem

I do not love you
for gentle words
or for a whispered touch

nor do I love
for clever wit or games
of intellect.

I love you essentially
from where my passions
are stripped raw and
then caressed by
callused hands

I love you with as much
Pain as Joy.

I love from the
darkness in which
Innocence lives.
for the fathomless plunge into
blackness of your eyes
and the shelter within.

I love without knowing why;
I love without caring.

I love for
the taste of your lips,
the fragrance of your skin,
the weight of your body.

I love completely
with all of myself,
I love for what
you have carved
from my soul
by loving me.


and with that, I'll stay clear of relationship blogs...

 
At 4:10 PM, Blogger glenda said...

wow, cats and poetry.
Beautiful and painful poem. Callooh.

 
At 4:29 PM, Blogger Mary said...

I am so bad at admitting I am wrong. Luckily my husband always takes the blame and we move on. It works somehow. Otherwise I say communicate. It's the only way.

 
At 5:30 PM, Blogger betmo said...

my husband thinks that my idiosyncracies are "cute" i believe he said. he laughs at my stupidity and i can't help but eventually laugh with him. his temperment counters my high strung one and we both have a 'dry' sense of humor so it's easy to laugh. you can't take yourself too seriously- this person has seen your dirty laundry- literally.

 
At 6:40 PM, Blogger Frederick said...

Sorry to be so male oriented about the subject, but having a compatible sex drive, while not the only thing, or the most important single thing, plays a large part in how a relationship endures. O.K., fire away...

 
At 6:57 PM, Blogger glenda said...

fred, Have to say, I think you are right, but I disagree that the comment is male-oriented. Men are not the only ones who desire a good sexual relationship.

Of course, I have met some people who did not think that sex was important, but In my experinece, those were in the minority. Sex is part of the relationship, and not a small part for most people.

Mary, try pre-emptively admitting wrong for the startle effect.

It is so good to laugh together.

 
At 7:35 PM, Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Um, I think you may have left out the most important element of any successful relationship: a mutual love of both Jesus and country.

Atheist, rejectionist marriages suffer a 99.9% divorce rate. It's science.

 
At 7:49 PM, Anonymous earl bockenfeld said...

An ideal marriage would be one that includes a balance between mind, spirit and body. So the question becomes: Which of these components truly anchors a marriage through thick and thin and "for better or for worse"? It is my belief that sex isn't just a physical release, it's about feeling wanted, connected and loved. The problem comes when sex and passion drop out of a marriage purely because caring for each other is so low on your list of priorities that you start to treat one another like roommates. When the physical component is missing or troubled for whatever reason, it is even more important for the other sustaining elements to be present.

As we grow older, our bodies change (not for the better) -- but so do our notions about romantic and sexual love. So in their young married years, couples need to recognize the importance of becoming one another's dearest friend, of building interests together and stimulating each other intellectually, because a couple's sex life is likely to fizzle out long before their love for one another. And if that is done successfully, people will realize that life holds few joys more satisfying than the process of growing old with your life partner, and getting even with your kids by spoiling your grandchildren.

 
At 9:02 PM, Blogger PTCruiser said...

#14. Don't forget your anniversary.

I did that last Friday.

Or does that fall under #4? No, maybe #9.

Anyway, we ended up resolving it with #8.

 
At 1:26 AM, Blogger glenda said...

Rex, you're both cute and silly.

earl, you're right, frinedship, trust, love and passion are all part of a package. Truly liking and respecting your partner is key to growing old together.(I'll let you know when I start getting old!)

pt, glad you worked it out. Anniversaries are not important to some and very important to others. Honoring those things that are importantto our partner is a one way we can support them emotionally.

 
At 2:23 AM, Blogger sumo said...

Rex...I'm here to tell you that you are mistaken sir...your science is a bit off in Sumoland. It is alive and well in all it's atheistic bliss.

 
At 9:50 AM, Blogger Jeremy said...

I've never admitted to being wrong. It's usually because I'm just about always right, or I wouldn't argue about it in the first place :-)

Maybe that's why I'm single?

 
At 9:50 AM, Blogger Kathleen Callon said...

Gosh, Glenda. Between this post and the one above this, you sure have pinpointed what is most important in life: love and appreciating nature and living in the present. Kudos, and thank you for the reminder.

Love,

Kat

 
At 12:02 PM, Blogger thepoetryman said...

Just lay somewhere together... Floor...outside in the yard... not touching one another...but just existing in the space together...silence...maybe some YoYo playing in the background softly...Just lay there and breathe together... Peace.

 
At 4:30 PM, Blogger glenda said...

Sumo, Where is your picture, at the dry cleaners? :)

Jeremy, Some people like being single, if you don't, figure out why you are. Every bottle has a cap, if you are looking for a cap, that is.

Thanks, Kat. You remind me every time i visit your site.

poetryman, I love to lie outside...at night, it's to watch the stars, during the day, it's to watch the clouds.. and breath.

 
At 5:06 AM, Blogger WeezieLou said...

sex is important, but not defining. as a lesbian, i get tired of people thinking only about what i do in bed. (that's probably even worse for gay men). i think a key to a good relationship is how you share the small moments. the chatter that accompanies making food, reading the newspaper, being bored, TV commercials. last night, while i was stuck at my boring job and my partner was at home, we kept up an email dialogue for three hours, mostly just using the couple-speak that builds up over years of partnership. stuff that would make absolutely no sense to anyone else. building that private dialogue is very important and special. "it's the stuff that dreams are made of" (the wise woman of love songs, carly simon).

 
At 8:47 AM, Blogger glenda said...

Thanks for that important reminder, Weezielou.

 
At 2:59 PM, Blogger Citisucks said...

Perhaps more dating advice than relationships advice, but don't date people who drive SUVs/Trucks-that is the first sign that you have picked out a looser.

 
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