Sunday, February 05, 2006

Kay Bailey Does an Intervention on Miss Laura


The always lovely, smiling and radiant naturally blonde Texas Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison, affectionately known as KayKayKay to her friends, has called on Laura Bush to drop her mid-life crisis punkgrrrl lifestyle and return to her duties as devoted wife to W. and hostess to all blue-blooded loyal Americans.

The gently-coiffed Miss Kay Bailey has remonstrated to Miss Laura that she is not expendable to the Neoconservative movement as she is one of the few Republican Texans who not only promotes reading, but can actually read.

In a true showing of old-fashioned good-old-girl solidarity, she has offered to help Miss Laura B. break her post-midlife musical "addiction to ska music" by having an American Girl doll named after Miss Laura and allowing Miss Laura to join her own Southern Belle support group, faciliated by none other than by Sugarland's sweetheart, Tom Delay's wife, Christine.

Miss KayKayKay is best known for being the first woman to represent Texas in the U.S. Senate, the first Republican since 1875 to hold the senate seat previously occupied by Lloyd Bentsen, and the first U.S. senator from Texas to come under criminal indictment. As evidence that God works in mysterious ways, she was indicted by District Attorney Ronnie Earl of Austin Texas, also mastermind of the vicious attack against Tom Delay, but charges against her were later dropped.

Miss KKK was also a cheerleader while a student at the University of Texas, a true icon for all gently-bred patriotic women to follow and proof of her all-American, God-given femininity.

In related news, Tom Delay is allegedly spending his days in internet chat rooms sadly drinking a fifth of Jim Beam every morning for breakfast.

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